The Surrender Experiment
This month I thought I'd take inspiration from a guy who found that his constant struggle with life went a whole lot easier when one day he decided to surrender to what life dealt him, and stay present with that. It turned out to be a whole lot easier than fighting against the tide all the time, or trying to control the future. And it helped me recently too - big time!
Sometimes people ask me how they can reduce the stress in their life. And I’ll usually advise something in the ‘present moment awareness’ line.
But then they say, what about all the thoughts about past or future? How do I stop them? To which I usually reply something like: Don’t try to stop them. It’s a waste of your time and energy. Just witness the thoughts passing by on the conveyor belt, much like sounds that come and go, sights, tastes, smells, that ache in your big toe. It’s all temporary. Can you even remember what you were thinking an hour ago? This time yesterday? Does it matter? Just do what is in front of you. Let the rest go. Don’t follow those random thoughts down the conveyor belt, because they’ll usually generate a whole lot more trouble for you. Who needs that?
But many still struggle. So another way to think about it is to surrender to whatever Life sends your way. ‘Surrender?!’, you say. ‘Never!’ And there comes a whole lot more stress.
However, if you do just surrender to whatever Life brings, do whatever you do with what is in front of you, with your own talents, and yes it might be hard work, and it won’t always be easy. But you will find that Life generally knows what it is doing for your highest possible benefit, even if you can’t see that right away. And you’ll find yourself operating from a much more peaceful place, as well as being energised, excited, curious – going with the flow will do that for you.
(To be clear here, I’m not talking about surrendering to the whim’s of those who might wish to do you harm. In that case surrender will almost certainly include removing yourself from the unsafe situation, or influence.)
Recently I’ve had to take a dose of my own medicine. Most of you know what Life dealt for me last year with the death of my wife. Not all of you know that it has also meant that I need to sell the home where we lived in Ngaio. The reasons are not important now. However, for quite some time I resisted the sale thinking: Why should this happen to me? It’s not fair! Surely there’s another way. I’m in the right here. This is going to mean x, y, z…! Blah blah blah. I went to a dark place. Which peed me off even more, because surely I should know better!
But one day after being really exasperated and low, I went for a walk in the bush and sat down near my favourite tree with Luna. And I said to the tree, ‘What would you do, you wise old thing?’ Luna was just doing what she normally does around trees, being primarily scent-driven.
And pretty soon I got the answer. Life, including flora, fauna, and all weathers have been blowing through that 800 year old Rimu’s branches, with the occasional schnauzer piddling on her roots, and there she still stands, tall and proud, taking her part in life, day by day.
So I made like the tree. I surrendered to the flow. And not only that, I decided to feel happy for everyone involved.
Well straight away the clouds in my mind lifted, I felt lighter, clearer, the knots in my brain were suddenly gone. I felt better in my heart and also like I was back on track. Now this is all still in-process, I admit. I don’t exactly know what’s around the corner, but I’m at peace with it, and THAT is the main thing. I’m trusting that Life has got my back. I’m curious, energised, happy, and just doing what I do, day by day.
The author, spiritual teacher and businessman, Michael A Singer, decided one day to treat his life as a surrender experiment, and 40 years later he wrote a book on how that has gone so far. Starting as an almost penniless hippy, he one day bought a computer on a whim. Long story short, he became CEO of a billion dollar software company, as well as developing a well known yoga and meditation centre. He says:
“The more I let go, the freer I became. It was not my responsibility to find what was binding me; that was life's job. My responsibility was to willingly let go of whatever was brought up within me… People often ask me how I look at things now that I've gone through the life-changing experiences of these past forty years. I tell them to read The Untethered Soul [one of his books]. How could I possibly explain the great freedom that comes from realizing to the depth of your being that life knows what it's doing? Only direct experience can take you there. At some point there's no more struggle, just the deep peace that comes from surrendering to a perfection that is beyond your comprehension. Eventually, even the mind stops resisting, and the heart loses the tendency to close. The joy, excitement, and freedom are simply too beautiful to give up. Once you are ready to let go of yourself, life becomes your friend, your teacher, your secret lover. When life's way becomes your way, all the noise stops, and there is a great peace.” [from his other book, The Surrender Experiment]
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With caring and kindness,
Rhys Dwyer
If you know anyone, from kids up who maybe struggling with body-held tension, energy levels, stress, anxiety, or choices, then please ask them to check me out. Bodywork and present moment awareness may just make a big difference.
Note that bodywork is always complementary to prudent medical care.