Stop Right There!
Recently I was introduced to someone who had had a brain injury but was now on the road to recovery. I commented that they must have learned a few things from that experience? They grunted in agreement, but then stated that “When anyone quotes ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’, I want to punch them, because I was weak on one side for a very long time.”
Which is not what I said, but I guess they inferred. I sensed a simmering resentment in them which is quite an understandable response when life stops one in one’s tracks, then one has to struggle for a long time to regain health and independence. It was a timely reminder to be a little more sensitive and not make assumptions in future.
Below I’m quoting part of a recent Mindfood article on what happened when a cancer stopped someone in their tracks for the second time, and they finally got the message to change things up. In fact, they later realised that they had a lot to be grateful to The Big ‘C’ for.
So two different cases, and with two different responses - resentment and gratitude - I don’t want to judge anyone for how they cope with a life changing incident like that. Nor for the circumstances that may have led to the incident occurring. Sometimes accidents happen, some people are more prone to certain disease, who knows what part our conditioning as children plays in later life?
I recently heard the Buddhist perspective on Karma – bad Karma is not the inevitable consequence of being bad in a past life or this life, the whim of an evil Putin, or the product of faulty DNA. The important thing about Karma is how we respond to what happens. Karma is about our choices.
GETTING IT
How do we decide what is really important? What effect can that have on our daily lives, and the lives of those around us?
For many of us getting more is what is most important. The next best thing that is going to make me happy - clothes, holiday, car, boat, then the bigger property so I have somewhere to park the boat. Which all means creating ever more income, being even busier, often working in stressful jobs because they pay the best. We are constantly striving to get the next best thing, for the short-lived adrenaline rush to our ego of getting ‘the thing’. But the high quickly passes and we’re on to the next thing.
Alongside this rampant grasping, we also live in fear of any threat to our continued ability to earn, which ramps up the stakes in our careers even higher. Suspicion, bullying and one-upmanship are rife in so many corporate cultures – in order to succeed I have to beat the other guy. It’s a toxic way to make a living. And it eats away insidiously at our health and happiness.
Does what I wish for align with my values? Will it really benefit me, or others, or the planet? Do I really need to sacrifice my health and the enjoyment of my remaining limited weeks here, so that I can leave some legacy? Maybe those who care about me would rather spend that time with a nice guy rather than a grouch?
I watched a Grand Designs show recently. As usual the house went way over budget, took twice as long as they thought, caused countless sleepless nights, and major stress to both of them, and to the workers trying to get the job done. Tellingly one of the children told the presenter afterwards that they were glad it was over, because at least they wouldn’t have to see a grumpy father every night. And it had been a theme for the children’s whole lives by that time, because they had been through the same cycle in previous houses along the way – moving, losing friends, building a new place, stress, move again. Will they remember their parents, and the actual childhood they had to that point, fondly?
Maybe this was the ‘forever home’ but has that really curtailed those parents ceaseless need to get and succeed, and have the best of everything (the house cost almost $4m), ‘because it’s all for the kids and a better life for them at the end of the day’. What have the kids learnt about what is important in life? What has been their conditioning?
In a couple of other Grand Designs shows the parents divorced before the project was finished, due to the stress the project put on the relationship. Great legacy!
A FORK IN THE ROAD
Mindfood Magazine October 2022 p38-39
Before cancer showed up in her life, Cindy Scott was a high-achieving businesswoman who lived for her work. After two bouts with cancer. she reassessed her life and chose a different path.
(Words by Cindy Scott)
“Being a cancer survivor is sort of like being inducted into a private club, The Big C Club. Once you've gone through a cancer journey, you have a unique perspective that allows you to connect with others who have been through the same thing. You can talk about things like the meaning of life, how important each day is, and what you value and cherish most.
“Many cancer thrivers say that cancer was their greatest gift. At first, I wondered how that could possibly be. But having walked this path a second time, I realised that cancer might have actually saved my life.
“How, you ask?
“Only after I read Four Thousand Weeks and how the author Oliver Burkeman so eloquently leads readers on a journey of accepting and embracing the idea that our lives are limited to finite timelines, did it make sense to me.
“Once we are confronted with our own mortality, he writes, we’re thrust into a more authentic way of being, where everything suddenly feels more vividly meaningful…
[previously] “I spent much of my life on autopilot, diligently working through my endless "should do' list in a sea of beige numbness. I was either focused on the events that were yet to come or dwelling on past events that I wished might have been different.
“For many years, I have held the belief that life is not happening so much to us as it is happening for us so that we might grow and achieve our full potential.
“Cancer made me realise what was truly important to me and led me to make changes in my life that I wouldn't have otherwise made.
THE MEANING OF LIFE
“It gave me an insight into the meaning of true health, the idea that true inner peace is when we recognise the unique connection between body, mind, heart and soul. Once I had that insight, I had a newfound responsibility to myself. And to others.
“Imagine for a moment that every hardship, every bump along our way is there to teach us something. I went in search of cancer's important message and was pleasantly surprised to find she had many.
“I used to be a chronic striver, always achieving, always hustling, always producing.
“But when faced with my own mortality, all my striving came to a screeching halt. Before cancer stillness held no value to me. It felt like the antithesis of achievement, productivity and all things I held critical to my success.
“I spent very little time in the present moment. In my never-ending pursuit of someplace else, any place but right here, I found myself in a perpetual state of doing-ness. Doing work, doing domestic duties, doing motherhood, doing life.
“And while I was busy doing, I gave zero time for being.
“In fact, I had never considered state of being prior to this point nor did I have a clue on how to 'do' being.
“Truth be told, my body had be telling me for far too long that I was tired and that my usual busy-ness was unsustainable. Body aches, foggy brain and poor sleep were all indicators I was off course and desperately in need of rest and re-alignment.
A SECOND WARNING
“So when a second and more serious diagnosis of breast cancer knocked on my door in 2020, it had my full and undivided attention.
“Like any true over-achiever, I went in search of some practical tools or guidelines on how to do being. Like I might find a book or blog or crash course that might get me there faster. Hah! No such luck!
“What I discovered is 'the Big C' Club stands for the 'Big Change' Club. Cancer precedes change for those who, choose it. It is a rite of passage from doing to heing. It is shifting from speeding through life to having more depth and meaning in it.
“And what I found is that being is what shows up when the adrenaline-fuelled desire to achieve is gone. It's when you let go of striving and fully relish in the moment. It's when you finally rest in the knowing that you are enough, just as you are.
“And if you're lucky, it's when you spend your hours and days toiling on things that make your heart sing. Cancer isn't the easiest or only pathway to enlightenment. But it did teach me the value of stillness and present moment living in a way that nothing else could have ever done.
“So in the end, cancer has been my greatest gift and my greatest teacher. She truly saved my life and showed me the true meaning of the Big C. She not only got me re-acquainted with a part of me that I had long lost, she gave me back my life. She made me realise that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was. She taught me to value every day, to slow down and enjoy the journey, to breathe, to make the most of every moment, to cherish the small things, to love whole-heartedly, to forgive and to have gratitude for it all.
“Cancer is a wake-up call. That's what I discovered. Cancer is a reminder that we need to slow down and live in the moment. Cancer is a disease that changes our priorities. It makes us question what is important to us and teaches us how to be present.
“We learn how to cherish every moment. We learn how to love ourselves and others more deeply. We learn how to be grateful for every breath we take.
“Cancer is a reminder that life is precious and fragile and that we need to treat it with care. Cancer turns out to be a teacher, a guide, and a friend. And I am so grateful for everything cancer has taught me.
“As a former executive coach, I'm now using my skills to support and help people with cancer. If you or a loved one is journeying with cancer, know that you are not alone. There is light at the end of the tunnel - it may just be the most challenging yet wondrous journey of all.
“Today, I am looking to a different future than the one I imagined pre-cancer. I currently have a clear bill of health and am in remission. I feel strong and thriving. I can honestly say: Cancer has given my life purpose.”
Music
Music has the power to influence us in positive ways. Like anything, pay more attention to things that build you up, and less to those that bring your energy down.
This week’s Spotify choices have an Earth theme!
Mother I Feel You - Windsong Martin
Windsong Martin is a singer songwriter currently residing in Williams, Southern Oregon, U.S.A.
Windsong accompanies herself with a variety of instruments including the guitar, dulcimer, and rattle. Her style ranges from folk ballads, to tribal rhythms, to reggae beats. Her lyrics evoke images of the power and beauty of nature and the vision of a compassionate humanity. Thru the years she has become a voice for the preservation and appreciation of the natural world sharing her songs at ceremonies, benefits, concerts, festivals and rallies, teaching songs to many and inspiring unity and hope in a time of uncertainty.
Mother of the Water - Alexa Sunshine Rose
Alexa Sunshine Rose is a singer-songwriter, mother, artist and mystic who has dedicated herself and her life's work to being a clear channel for peace on earth. Her songs are prayers, which bridge worlds; the inner and outer, the mind and heart, chaos and calm. She has been touring and teaching across the West Coast and Hawaii since 2009.
Earth is Calling - CallyAnna
CallyAnna, singer/songwriter from Co. Mayo, Ireland, writes songs that connect and are inspired by everyday events and experiences...on topics that are current, evocative and memorable across many genres., including, folk, rock, blues, traditional and ballad. To date CallyAnna has a written repertoire of 140 original songs. She released the first of three albums, so far, in 2018. This song is from her 2021 album ‘Goddess in Me.’
With caring and kindness,
Rhys Dwyer
If you know anyone, from teens up who maybe struggling with body-held tension, energy levels, stress, anxiety, choices, or seeking more meaning in life, then please ask them to check me out. Bodywork and present moment awareness may just make a big difference.