Being Human
What is important right now?
Most of my life my ‘Western upbringing’ had been heavily oriented towards the need to Do. To achieve objectives, to win the gold medal, to pursue a career, make a good living, buy the first house, buy a bigger house, travel the world … and on it went.
My entire reason for being would get entwined with the Doing objective. At one stage I pursued a career in ambulance single mindedly. Helping people was my dream, here was my chance! I was working fulltime in another job, while studying at night, then doing nights and weekends on ambulance shifts, as well as holidays. Until finally I qualified as an EMT.
But that wasn’t enough. Next came four years of university study and practice towards becoming a Paramedic, the next rung on the ambulance ladder. More expense, more shifts, more time away from my wife. She hated it. The goal was going to make it all worthwhile in the end. Right?
So how do we adapt when ‘life’ interrupts our carefully laid plans with unplanned detours and dead-ends? The path to achievement is often littered with the sequelae of single-minded hard work: sacrifice, burnout and stress.
In my case life dealt a double whammy. An accident tore my knee to shreds. Even though the injury healed somewhat, I was no longer employable, no longer trusted to lift and carry patients, at least as a paid professional. I had failed. All that time and cost for nothing. I was devastated.
And within 6 months, my marriage was over as well.
I went into a dark place for a while.
Sometimes even when I have achieved an objective, the bliss of the result has been short lived. I haven’t realised until much later what the real cost has been – emotional, physical, financial, relationship and health.
It was a hard lesson. So much for Doing.
In a video of her life released a couple of years before her death, Queen Elizabeth II said:
‘We come here to learn, to grow, to love, and then we return.’
Now, whether one believes in a spiritual life before birth and beyond the grave is up to the individual. But the important wisdom I take from her statement is the learning, growing and loving are more about how we live while we are here, more about our Beingness, not so much about what we do.
If we think about someone we knew personally and admired, who may now have passed away, do we remember mostly their achievements, or more about how they were with us as a person?
Slowly I dug myself out of the deep hole I’d made. It started by walking out in nature every day. I didn’t know why that was important, but it helped, so I kept doing it.
What is the message here?
Balance.
I should not get so lost in the Doing, that I forget about the Being. I am a Human Being first.
I needed to take time to savour life, taking more notice of the small but special things that arise in the present moment, even while I am actively doing things. But if I treat the present moment as an inconvenient traffic light obstructing me on the way from one place to another, then I risk blowing off most of my life (and loved ones) in a rushing blur. ‘It will be worth it in the end.’ Will it?
The risk was that one day I might get to my own end, probably sooner than later, and wonder just what this life had been all about? Where did the time go?
So I now know it is important when making plans, to make sure I also prioritise time to Be.
Take moments to delight in your child’s laughter, to hug them warmly when they need it. To not only walk up the hill and down again, but to admire the view for a few minutes, notice the breath in our lungs, feel the sun, wind, or rain on our face - we’re alive! Take notice to chew each bite of our breakfast, savouring it, rather than completely missing it because we had our attention on our phone.
Whether our work is cleaning floors, brain surgery, or leading teams, we can bring greater joy to it through how we do it, through our beingness: our pride in our work, refining our skills, taking care for the present moment and those we share it with.
Then the results tend to take care of themselves. But should we miss out on the ultimate goal, or the goalposts shift, it doesn’t really matter.
Because when we prioritise the Being stuff, that makes the actual journey so much more worthwhile, joyful. Where we actually end up is really up to life to decide.
Eckhart Tolle, in A New Earth, describes:
‘The joy of Being, which is the only true happiness, cannot come to you through any form, possession, achievement, person, or event – through anything that happens. That joy cannot come to you – ever. It emanates from the formless dimension within you, from consciousness itself and thus is one with who you are.’
So he is pointing to the Being aspect as being a fundamental deep part of ourselves, which is really only reachable when we quiet the mental chatter and just watch, listen, smell, taste, feel.
I think people that come to see me for bodywork often have that opportunity, at least for a short while, to Be with that deeper part of themselves. It’s a very healing thing to do for oneself.
So what is important right now? It’s largely about being … being a human being.
BUILDING SELF-RESPECT & BEING
How did you go with last month’s exercise on building self-respect? There was a whole list of ways you might try to do this (click here to check back to that newsletter).
For myself I chose ‘Connect with something spiritual.’ And one of the ways that I chose to do that this month was to take myself walking most mornings up Bell’s Track in Ngaio. Apart from walking the dog, it had been a while since I’ve done more challenging walks. From up there I get a great view, not only of Wellington harbour, but also to the west across Cook Strait to the South Island.
Well, at least I do get a great view if it’s not raining, or still dark, which it often still is most mornings for me. But I put my head-torch and raincoat on and go anyway. Sure, it’s a good way of getting a bit fitter and more mobile, which is overdue in my case! But it’s also a way of connecting with nature, the bush, the elements, which we are all a part of. Papatuanuku under my feet, Ranginui above. While it’s still dark I try to listen for kiwi as I go up, say kia ora to the plants, trees and the moths in my head-torch beam. Then I stand at the top and just soak it all in – wind, rain, cloud, sun, stars, moon, view, whatever - and just try to Be with it all in the moment. As I descend the Tui are usually starting their morning calls. It sets me up well for the day.
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With caring and kindness,
Rhys Dwyer
If you know anyone, from kids up who maybe struggling with body-held tension, energy levels, stress, anxiety, or choices, then please ask them to check me out. Bodywork and present moment awareness may just make a big difference.
Note that bodywork is always complimentary to prudent medical care.