Eckhart Tolle is fond of saying, “The present moment is as it is, it could not be otherwise.” What unfolds before us has already happened., it can’t be altered after the event. We may be indifferent to this moment; we may choose to dislike it, we can choose to just be with it. Regardless, pain arises when we don’t accept the present moment.
The Choice to be Indifferent to the Moment
The choice to be indifferent usually stems from being obsessed by our own thoughts and not really paying attention to what actually arises in this moment - unfortunately, this is a state many of us occupy most of the time. We might argue that not noticing is not a choice response, it’s no response. But it is still our choice to check-out of life’s present moment’s.
When we are indifferent, we don’t accept the present moment at all, we are elsewhere, we are in denial of the present. Indifference is an insidious pain that sneaks up on us and can steal our life away, without us even noticing. We miss out on most of life’s special moments.
For some, their life feels so painful, that they’d rather be anywhere else than here, so they “get out of it” using addictive substances, which offer temporary highs. For others, suffering has made them numb, cutting them off from the present entirely, so they “cut” themselves, perhaps just to feel something. In both cases it is not so much the present moment that is so terrible, as the fear of what might be coming next. And sometimes the anguish, shame, or guilt over past events. This pain caused by thinking on the past or future, makes it look as though the present is terrible. What is actually making it terrible is the thinking.
Unfortunately, indifference can ultimately be toxic for close relationships, it can be the beginning of a drifting apart that may become irreversible. Find ways to stay kind and keep engaged (=present) with those closest to us. It takes diligence, but it doesn’t have to feel like work.
We can be present and kind with complete strangers too. Thank a server for their help. Look into their eyes and smile. It will make all the difference to both them and us, it costs us nothing but a fleeting moment of our genuine attention.
The Choice to Dislike the Moment
The choice to Dislike a situation is fraught. We may not enjoy the fender bender in the carpark, but once it’s happened, it can’t be undone, no matter who was “at fault”. The fender is bent, period. Inconvenient things happen in life. Deal with it. But nothing that happens is worth creating new enemies over. The choice as to whether a twisted piece of metal is going to spoil our day, is ours alone.
We may not agree with someone’s point of view, their politics, their racism, their reckless violence, and so on. We may not condone anything that we see as hurting us, others, or the planet.
That is different from disliking the perpetrator or hating them. When hate generates more hate, then hate has won, and will perpetuate karmically. The hate they show may be generational in origin, maybe it’s based in ignorance, or is it really based in fear of the unknown, of the “other”? The only real crime is being party to keeping the hatred going. When hatred runs into non-resistance it loses power like a yacht without wind.
Martin Luther King Jr said “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.“
We always have a choice in how to respond. Allowing hatred to arise in us, is a self-violation of our own peace and health – it only results in pain for us. Check out Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” to see an exemplar of the power of choice, amid the horror of the Holocaust.
Another major “dislike” that arises for all of us at some point is the imminent loss of a loved one, or ourselves. It’s shrouded in fear, because we often pretend that death doesn’t exist until we have to face it. Then when it happens, we’re not prepared for it. It can seem especially cruel if the period leading up to death is especially painful, drawn-out, or if the person is still young. We reason that it should not be happening, they don’t deserve this. Perhaps that is true. But it doesn’t change the fact that it is happening. Arguing against what is, is always futile, and causes us more pain. Creating more pain for ourselves is of no help whatsoever to the person who is passing on.
I recently heard a palliative healthcare worker say that “suffering is like a wedge between the world you want and the world you’ve got.”
The Choice to Be With the Moment
We usually find it easier to be with the present moment, to accept it, if we are not caught up in Indifference or Dislike. Being in the moment without judgement can be wonderful, let your heart be full of the simple things, a smile from your partner, a cheeky grin on your child’s face, the smell of wild flowers as you walk, the way the evening sun highlights the shape of nearby hills. None of that requires any thought, it just needs us to pay attention. Being in the moment is what makes life worth living, it’s the heart’s delight. Just take care that the enjoyment doesn’t extend to over-indulgence and become an unhealthy obsession, which is less about the heart and more about fear or guilt (which are just thoughts, more on this later).
When we accept the present moment, the self-inflicted suffering caused by denial drifts away. In it’s place, through acceptance, we have access to a new power – the power to take positive action.