The Second Arrow
Buddhists note that when we experience physical or emotional pain, that is the first arrow.
However, if we are not mindful, our thinking mind cracks into gear – ‘What does this mean?’, ‘I’m just decrepit!’, ‘Why did he do that to me?’, ‘Why does s..t always happen to me??’, ‘Have you seen the price of cheese lately?’ and so on. We become obsessed by our judgements, indignation, anger, fear - ie thoughts. And so lands the second arrow, much bigger than the first, and entirely self-inflicted.
This is serious. At worst, people kill themselves, or other people, over this stuff. Their psychological health can be permanently damaged. Enjoyment of life vanishes.
Yes, the second arrow is self-inflicted. We may not be able to prevent all the first arrows in life, but we do have the power to choose how we react. And thus avoid that second arrow that makes it seem so much worse.
Once the first arrow has landed, it’s already in the past. Does that mean we don’t take steps to prevent it happening again, if we can. Of course, not. For example, if someone breaks the law and hurts someone, then sure, they may need to be removed from society.
Otherwise, can we let it slide? Would responding in-kind possibly make it worse? ‘But they’ll get away with it.’ So? It’s not about them, or what they think of you. It’s your health that’s the most important thing. Karma is really about choices, making better choices for ourselves. Other’s choices are their own karma.
How to avoid the knee-jerk unwise retort?
LIVE IN THE
P R E S E N T M O M E N T ! ! !
Then when the first arrow hits, just breathe 3 times. If you can delay the response, do so. Time for reflection will always lead to wiser choices. No response, may turn out to be the best response.
I’ve noticed in my own life that the same first arrow kept landing, until, duh, I finally learnt a more skilful way of dealing with it. Then there might be a short or long lull, before another first arrow hits. Life is like that, always testing us.
If your current first arrow is a health challenge, keep it in perspective. One step at a time. Catastrophising won’t improve the outcome, but staying present might.
If you want some more tips on dealing with first arrows read Viktor Frankl, Byron Katie, or Michael A Singer (the latter two are also on YouTube).
Or talk to me.
With caring and kindness,
Rhys Dwyer
If you know anyone, from kids up who maybe struggling with body-held tension, energy levels, stress, anxiety, choices, or seeking more meaning in life, then please ask them to check me out. Bodywork and present moment awareness may just make a big difference.