We all know that anxiety is not good for us, right? We’d be concerned if our kids, our partner, or our parents were always worrying. What about us?
We intrinsically know that worry and the anxiety it causes are not good for us. Yet we often remain hellbent on keeping it up! Why? Because we are conditioned that way. We have been led to believe that we are in charge, accountable, responsible for sorting out the problem. And that the only way to do that is to think about it continually until an answer magically appears.
The single biggest thing we need to do in order to beat anxiety is:
We have to overcome our need to ‘worry’
That means our need to beat anxiety has to be greater than our need to cling to worry. We have to want to get rid of anxiety more.
The only way to get rid of anxiety is to stop creating it, we have to be prepared to give up the act of “worry”. Worry is thoughts, repeating over and over. That means relinquishing the need to control some outcome in the future. It means giving up having to know everything, to be the expert on everything in our life. It means no longer imagining multiple possibilities and scenarios, most of which will never materialise.
Critically it also requires us to not worry about … “not worrying”.
Which means that we are no longer willing to be controlled by our thoughts.
It seems too simple. But “not worrying” may be the hardest thing we’ll ever consider. It may also be the easiest thing we ever do. And it may be the most profound thing we ever do for ourselves.
THE HARD PART
Not worrying can be the hardest because of our conditioning. We are so conditioned to thinking about our problems, that to consider not spending every waking moment thinking about them seems almost sacrilegious. Where does that conditioning come from? Probably from our parents, and they from their parents before them.
Letting go of that conditioning is not easy. But that faulty conditioning costs us big time. It costs us anxiety. Anxiety will affect our health and our relationships. It drains our energy, vitality and creativity. It affects our ability to work and function. Our ability to problem-solve goes down when we worry. Everything we do will be tainted by anxiety, and our body will suffer for it.
Put another way, our choice to continue worrying, is the conscious choice to be unhappy most of the time – know any happy worriers? It’s also the choice to get sick and probably to die a lot sooner. Period. Our choice, no one else’s.
Is there a better way to solve problems than by worrying? Absolutely! Way, way better. But first we have to want to beat anxiety, more than our need to cling to worry. If we don’t make that choice for ourselves, we cannot be helped yet.
THE EASY PART
Remember that song ‘Don’t worry, be happy’? Worry and happiness can’t co-exist. When we don’t worry, then our happiness will increase. So the answer in one easy phrase is ‘Don’t worry’.
How is that easy?! When we stop worrying, what we are actually doing is stopping thoughts. Or more accurately, we are no longer letting our thoughts be the guy in charge. No thoughts, no worry, no anxiety. When we no longer think, we are no longer anxious - easy. This actually works.
When we worry a lot, we make up a whole lot of stories in our head about a challenging situation which actually make it worse. We tend to turn an issue or a situation into a problem by thinking, and the size of the problem escalates the more we think about it. The stories end up scaring us more than the original dilemma.
Another thing is we automatically assign a judgement to a challenge. We tend to call it ‘bad’, when all it really is, is an issue to be dealt with, neither good nor bad; it just is.
“Worry means the mind is controlling [us]. Worry is always pointless. A solution never comes out of worry.” Eckhart Tolle
How do we stop our thoughts? There are a few ways, none of which involve alcohol or drugs. And I coach people on those regularly. Many have been covered in previous articles. And of course, bodywork gives us the perfect opportunity to stop thoughts for 45 minutes to an hour, and just be at one with our deeper self.
Why is it easy? Once thought ceases, worry ceases, anxiety goes away.
We are no longer spending all our time in the future inventing outcomes; instead we are here in the present moment, seeing, hearing, sensing, enjoying anything we put our attention on, without thought. It’s a very restful and easy place to live. Watch a dog, a cat, or even a small child for a few moments, they spend every moment of their lives in the here and now.
When we reside in the present moment, ‘thought’ becomes a tool. We can use it to set goals, make a plan, even make contingency for risk, such as insurances. But once goals, plans and insurance is in place, the thinking is done and we can return to the present moment. That’s where peace lives.
How does that solve my problem? The present moment is our place of true power. The answers to our challenges will come to us when we need them, in the moment. True creative sparks, even “brainwaves”, don’t come from thinking, they come when we get still. Stillness is the gateway to a stream of intelligence, which is infinitely greater than anything the human brain can come up with.
“Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” Albert Einstein
Imagination comes when we get still.
THE PROFOUND REWARD!
Anxiety may actually be a huge opportunity in disguise. We could transform the pain of an anxious state into an active, motivated and fulfilling lifestyle. We can use this learning of being present, being still, to make a leap into regular contact with greater intelligence. From that place everything will start to flow. Our inner purpose in life will become clearer. When we act in alignment with our inner purpose, everything will be provided for us, as we need it. It is no longer necessary to know in advance what is going to happen, to control the outcome. Instead, we can get comfortable with not knowing, and enjoy the process of life as it unfolds.
How rewarding would that be? What a profound outcome from one simple decision – to stop worry.
HOW CAN I TRUST THIS NEW WAY OF (NOT) THINKING?
The biggest issue my clients have expressed is the fear of letting go of worry. They fear that by letting go of worry, they are being irresponsible. They think if they go over it a few more times, a better answer will emerge. The reality is the reverse.
The best way to get past that fear is to try out ‘not worrying’ for ourselves. See how it feels not to worry. Build up some trust in the possibility of not thinking. Get some good advice on how to practice this for ourselves. And it is practice, like training a muscle. The more we are aware of now, of the stillness between thoughts, the easier it will be to let thoughts pass on by, without stopping to make trouble!
“The answer, the strength, the right action or the resource will be there when [we] need it, not before, not after.” Eckhart Tolle
The challenges we face will begin to assume their correct proportions. It is possible to learn something from almost every situation. When we can get into the headspace of welcoming challenges as new opportunities, uncertainties as exciting possibilities, then we will have beaten anxiety once and for all.
It is such a relief for our brain to just stop for a while, it needs a break!
But you may need some help putting the theory into practice.
Zero Balancing bodywork is used by many of my clients, as a gateway to stopping thinking, as an antidote to stress, and to release tension from their body. Plus I can give you lots of advice on how to stay present and kick the habit of worry.
Rhys Dwyer
Certified Zero Balancer
Present Moment Awareness Coach
Cranial Sacral Techniques
Book a Zero Balancing Session … Anxiety is beatable!
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1 hour
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